Moments in Time
by buffygirl52789
Summary: Even though she knew that this was what he wanted, even though she knew she should just go, she had found herself unable to move away from his gaze, struggling to memorize every detail of his face, even across the considerable distance.


**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** All belongs to the man they call Joss.  
**Words:** 979  
**Author's Notes:** Written for the second round of the truthsome-fic ficathon on livejournal. I struggled to find the muse to write something for this, and in the end, this is what came out. It's not quite as ambitious as I'd originally intended, but I'm pleased with it nonetheless. The lyrics are from "Brighter Discontent" by the Submarines, a song that hugely inspired that portion of this story. Thanks to deathmerchant for the excellent beta, and of course to carmensandiego for taking the time to organize this wonderful ficathon and once again encourage me to break out of my writing comfort zone and whip something up for this beautiful pairing.  
**Spoilers:** Through the series and BDM.

* * *

She will never forget standing there on that awful night, about to take off in her shuttle with the others and leave him on a dead ship. A thousand regrets went through her head during the  
unexpected, silent goodbye they shared as she stood on the bridge looking down at him and he up at her. Even though she knew that this was what he wanted, even though she knew she should just go, she had found herself unable to move away from his gaze, struggling to memorize every  
detail of his face, even across the considerable distance...in case this was the last time she ever saw him alive. She finally found the strength to tear herself away, wiping one rebellious tear from her cheek before the others could see. Later when they returned to the ship to find him still alive, a tightness in her chest suddenly uncoiled, and Inara silently thanked any higher power who might be listening for giving her one more chance.

* * *

_I rearranged the place  
A hundred times today  
But the ordering of objects  
Couldn't hide what's missing_

On her first day at the training house, Inara had spent an obscene amount of time arranging her belongings, hoping that finding the perfect setup would somehow cause everything to fall into place. She folded and refolded all of her dresses, lit her favorite incense, and adjusted the red curtains on the windows. As expected, she had been given one of the best rooms, with a spectacular view overlooking the mountains. She was an honored guest and treated just short of royalty. It was an arrangement most people would die for. She treated herself to a long, warm bath, her favorite candles burning around her as she continually reminded herself how far superior this was to the sub-par sponge baths she had been forced to give herself onboard Serenity. But as she glanced around at the golden faucets and embroidered bath linens, she found herself yearning for the unpredictable sounds that were always coming from the engine room, or River's laugh as she played with Kaylee. And of course, once she was dried and dressed, she found herself staring at her door as if waiting for him to burst through uninvited as he did so often.  
As she stood in the center of the room she felt for a second that she was losing her mind. She had left Serenity to escape a life she had become too emotionally invested in for her own good. She had wanted the anonymity and cleanliness of new surroundings, new expectations. She was in a gorgeous room all of her own with anything she wanted at her beck and call, as opposed to a dilapidated shuttle where true privacy was a rare privilege.  
So why did she feel so hollow?

_But I'm here staring up  
At pictures on the wall  
And where are you,  
You're still stuck inside them all_

* * *

It was ironic how often they resorted to longing looks in a moment of weakness or grave peril. It happened again as he headed off to broadcast the signal, while the rest of them prepared to do battle. As he passed her, their eyes met, and in that moment they were perhaps more honest with each other than they ever had been. Every regret, every word left unsaid, every smothered impulse was there in that look. Despite many passionate nights spent with hundreds of men, Inara had never felt more connected to someone than she did in that moment. She realized that it might finally be too late. She had her second chance, _ai-ya_, she had third and fourth chances. They both had. But neither of them had allowed themselves to let go and finally have the one thing they wanted more than anything. Now it may truly be too late.  
He tore his eyes from hers and he was gone, and for a moment she forgot how to breathe.

* * *

"You ready to get off this heap and back to a civilized life?"  
She stared at him, unable to process the question at first. To be honest, ever since Miranda, she hadn't really put much thought into what came next for her. "I...uh...I don't know." The words were out before she even remembered thinking them, and it was almost as if they had been spoken by someone else. But she realized that for the first time in a very long time, she felt...peaceful. This felt right. She wasn't going back to the training house, not now and maybe not ever. Serenity was her home. If the past few days had taught her anything, it was that. She was tired of running from the only thing that had ever felt so right to her.  
Her answer seemed to please Mal, and a hint of a smile played at his lips as he regarded her. "Good answer." They looked at each other a moment longer before he turned and walked away. Inara felt a smile spread across her lips, and for a moment she felt completely free.

* * *

She had always suspected that the moment they finally gave in would be like the rest of their relationship, unpredictable and without fanfare. It came one night three weeks after her decision to remain on the ship, as they sat in the dining room, the others having retired to their respective quarters long ago. He said something that amused her, and as she tossed her head back in laughter she noticed that he was staring at her. She straightened and looked back at him, and before she knew it his lips were crashing into hers in a beautifully imperfect, long-time-coming kiss. It was neither skilled nor dignified; it was sudden and raw, and as he ran his hand roughly through her hair she remembered thinking that she had never had a man kiss her as if the world depended on it the way Mal did.

Fin

* * *

Feedback is shiny:D


End file.
